The Boat – A Wet Dream or Just Soggy Socks?

I gotta say, when I sat down to watch “The Boat”, I expected some kind of stormy splash-fest, you know, with lots of famous faces. Instead, it’s almost the opposite: dead quiet, foggy as November in Skåne. You barely see another human, it’s just this poor schlub (Joe Azzopardi – not exactly Robert Gustafsson but fine, fine), fighting with the most stubborn boat in cinema history.

The director, Winston Azzopardi, who honestly I didn’t know much about before this, has cooked up a mood that’s like getting lost in a thick Swedish dimma out by Vinga fyr. It’s moody and claustrophobic; makes you want to pull up your wool socks and maybe lock the front door for a bit longer than usual.

So, for me, boats always bring up that one summer when Uncle Göran thought he could “read the weather,” but we ended up stuck in Måseskär during a storm, gnawing on Kalles kaviar tubes like it was emergency rations. This film feels just like that – one long, slippery mess, but you’re kind of glued to it, in that way you can’t stop staring when a friend tries to park in tight spaces.

I think the almost total lack of music makes you jump whenever you hear anything, like the sound guy hid the fjäderballong just to mess with people. It’s odd, a bit spooky. I liked that, but after about an hour I started glancing at my phone, itchy for things to, well, actually *happen*. But some scenes, like when the fog closes in, are just chef’s kiss – properly nerve-wracking, even if nothing explodes.

So, is “The Boat” a classic like Ingmar or just an odd little pleasure boat drifting on its own? Frankly, it depends if you’re cool with movies that mostly drift, not zoom. Good film for those who ever ended up scared senseless out at sea… or just want to feel that way without getting wet.

But if you’re looking for big name stars, explosions, or even just a bit of dialogue, ja, then maybe go back to “Jönssonligan.”

watch the full movie on Mavshack Movies on YouTube

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