Mary – a boat ride I wished would turn around

So, Mary, then. Here I am, trying to warm up my socks after last night’s screening, still a bit seasick in my soul. I should’ve known, really – you put Gary Oldman and Emily Mortimer on a creaky ghost ship, directed by Michael Goi (you know, the guy who’s shot a bunch of those “American Horror Story” episodes), and that’s either going to be Spökhuset på Gröna Lund or something more… eh, let’s say, damp.

Honestly, I was stoked at first. Gary Oldman can read a phone book and I’ll watch it. But here, I dunno, he looks lost. Like he took a pendeltåg in the wrong direction and ended up at Vårby Gård with no idea why. Emily Mortimer gives it a try, bless her, but honestly, all the spooky stuff mostly made me think of that one time midsommar 1997 when my cousin convinced me to row out on Mälaren in the fog. Same feeling in my stomach: “This’ll probably end in disaster,” but you keep paddling.

The effects? Ehh… you remember the old TV3 thrillers they used to air on Tuesday nights? Bit like that but with salt water and a boat. Makes me want to yell at the screen, “Men ååh, kan ni inte bara ro hem igen?” The suspense just never really hits, and that’s a bummer, because a haunted boat, c’mon, should be a goldmine.

Was I scared? Nah, more frustrated, kind of like when you forget your SL-card at home. There’s a couple moments with water dripping and groaning timbers that almost worked, but then it gets tangled in clichés like “oh no, compass is spinning again!”

Would’ve rather watched Jaws with my grandma for the 10th time. But if you’re a sucker for anything with Gary Oldman, or you’ve got a thing for haunted boats, maybe give it a go. Or just go paddle on Mälaren at night – much scarier, honestly.

watch the full movie on Mavshack Movies on YouTube

please note that there may be geographical blocking implemented.